Empty Nest Part 1

That time God asked me to …

                                               Put down the idol of motherhood.

Maybe I missed all the discussions about empty nest before I headed into this new territory. Or could it be we simply don’t discuss it very much?

Since venturing into these new waters I’ve asked for advice but most people either just tell me to be happy about it or keep busy so I don’t have to deal with it.

Can I be real honest for a minute? I did NOT handle it real well in the beginning. My life had been filled with so many of my kids’ sports and events I felt completely isolated when it all came to end.

Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing husband who was always there for me but for several months I walked around in a bit of a fog. Not real sure of what my identity was anymore. Can you relate?

Yes, I’ll always be a mom but my job in that role had taken such a drastic turn I wasn’t sure what to do next.

So, how did I handle this new season of life?

I dove deep into writing and I do believe it helped me process a lot. But…writing can be very lonely. There is an amazing network of support out there in the cyber world but it’s different than face to face.

It’s a BIG switch from having kids who need you.

Trusting that God loves my sons even more than I do was a bit of lip service from me for years. I WANTED to believe it. I sure told myself I believed it. I’m sure I shared with others I believed it. It was just hard to completely believe it.

Seriously God, can’t you see how much I love my kids down here?

How could anyone, including God, love them as much as I do? They’re my life.

Oh crud, there it was!! God revealed to me some hard truth that wasn’t fun to hear but needed light brought to it. I had placed my role as a mother above my identity as a child of God. My kids were truly my life. Everything, including God, took a back seat to them. Ouch!

I don’t really remember when it happened but somehow it just slipped in quietly when I wasn’t looking. The martyrdom of motherhood.

I wasn’t one of those women who dreamed of being a mom growing up. There were no real plans to go down that road honestly. I had big plans for my life and men and children simply weren’t in those plans.

Want to hear God laugh…tell Him your plans!

Not only did I end up marrying and having kids, I did it fairly young. Shortly after getting married I was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids. So, when my role in life did shift I dove in headfirst.

My whole world was my little family. As they grew older and the time grew closer for them to leave the nest I held on even tighter. Fear settled in big time! Am I alone in this?

Often we don’t recognize fear and anxiety when we’re in the middle of it. We can feel twinges of panic and try to dismiss them as just part of life. How often do we try to rationalize our fears and worries away? Or just go through life with emotional blinders on in a futile attempt at not dealing with yet again another scary change.

Now that we have discussed the feelings as empty nest approaches, join me in the next post as we explore the different ways to make this transition easier.

I'm sharing this post with several other blogger's at these Faith Linkups. I encourage you to check them out. If this post resonates with you and feel it would help others please feel free to share. Easy to share buttons below. ~Laura~

Brave the Anxiety for the Adventure

“I am brave, I am brave, I am brave!” I just kept repeating it to myself so the anxious thoughts might not move back in and set up camp.

When I was younger I lived life fearlessly, probably to a fault if I’m honest. I was ten foot tall and bulletproof, or so I thought. If there was an adventure of any kind out there, I was first in line to jump in. I have the scars and broken bones to show for it too unfortunately.

Over the years, my adventurous spirit was starting to be drowned out by pops and creaks of the pains of a wild youth. I knew how hard a person could fall as I’d taken that trip down way too many times in the past.

God had placed this new adventure right in my lap and I knew He wanted me to move forward. The truth is though, it was WAY outside of my current comfort zone.

It wasn’t scary to write and follow the Lord’s call from the safety of my little home way out in the middle of the sticks. I mean come on, I’m the Hicks from the Sticks! Doesn’t that mean I should STAY in the sticks. That’s where I’m comfortable. This is my sweet spot. “Lord, I am happy to sit right here in my comfy office chair and type the words You want me to share with the world. Just don’t ask me to go out into it!”

Don’t take this wrong, I genuinely love people and have no issues driving the 30 miles it takes me to get to our little town of 1200 people. I love one on one conversations, small study groups or even our “big” events in town.

On the other hand, large crowds truly overwhelm me. So, when God said to jump on a plane, by myself nonetheless, and fly across the country to a conference with 800 or so people, I was slightly freaked out.

I prayed repeatedly to see if God was sure this is what He wanted me to do. I knew the truth, there was really no fighting it. So, I committed. That should have been the end of any anxious thoughts, right? Nope! I came so close to wimping out over and over again.

I crammed it to the back of my mind when there were still a lot of calendar days before my flight would leave. So typical of me. Just don’t deal with it until I absolutely have to.

As the days grew warmer and the time got closer, I felt a sense of fear starting to sneak in little by little. I tried to think of it as a great adventure but my anxious thoughts just kept fogging up my mind.

Then God whispered some reassuring words in my ear. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV)

I was still trying to follow God’s plan for my life under my own power. Ugh, SO frustrating. I felt a good spiritual kick to the pants. I cried out to God, humbled myself and asked for His forgiveness. I wish I could tell you that meant it was easy sailing from there on out. There were still moments of doubt. I’m human!

But...I would literally picture myself casting my anxious thoughts at the foot of the cross any time they popped into my head. It really did get easier each time. Not easy but easier.

I’m learning to do the work God asks ME to do and then just show up and trust Him to take care of the rest. He is faithful.

God is so awesome and what an adventure it is when we follow Him!

Leave Fear Behind

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.  2 Timothy 1:7

I have known fear.  I have felt that growing, ever nagging fear of failure many times in my life.  I’m pretty sure I’ve known it since I was born.  Many of us experience this.

Why?  What is in us that makes us so scared to fail?  That kind of fear that cripples so many of us from even trying.  Because somehow if we don’t try at least we can’t fail.

Simple answer is fear is from satan!  The enemy knows that if he can keep us crippled by fear he can keep us from walking forward with Christ.  If we’re too afraid to try to walk into the freedom Jesus promised us, then the enemy can keep us bound up.  This in turn will keep us from doing the kingdom work God has called us to.  

I’m trying to be honest here but even this is a scary situation for me.  Putting your fears out there for the whole world to see opens you up to others as well as facing those fears.  I’m ready to face those fears though!  I have to say that to myself loud and proud as it’s still not easy and sometimes I’m really still trying to convince myself!

I have been scared to let my family down as well as myself by choices I make.  Even ones I’m sure were good at the time.  I’ve been afraid of looking foolish if I don’t succeed at things I put out there for the world to see.  What if I pour my heart and soul into something I feel God has called me to do and I fail?  Does that make me look weak?  What will people think of God if I’m such a failure?

If I looked in a mirror more often I would tattoo to my forehead, “If God calls me to it HE will see me through it!”  God can’t fail.  I’m not saying I can’t fall on my face, but not trying is the bigger failure.  When God calls me to do something, even if it looks like a failure to the world, my obedience IS success!

Let’s just say that one more time to really get that to sink in – “My obedience IS success”.  

I’m making the daily choice to stand up to these fears and call an end to them. I realize I can’t do it on my own.  It’s only with the help of the Holy Spirit in me that I can say no to fear!

Father God, I have tried to fight fear on my own in the past and lost the fight.  Please forgive me!  I know I can only truly be free from the grip of fear by trusting YOU with my life.  Help me to follow wherever YOU lead and do it without fear.

In Jesus name, Amen.