How I Learned to Love my Scars

"Argh, these darn stretch marks itch so bad I'm going to scratch right through my belly!" I hollered across the bed to my husband. He tried to reassure me, "I really don't think that's a possibility."

So I came up with a grand plan...

God's Best is Truly Best

Do you ever think of God as some kind of Genie in a bottle? Or maybe even hope for it?

“C’mon God, I really need that new car!”

“I’m sure this job is what would really be best for me, God.”

“Could you please just make this person fall in love with me so I can finally be happy?”

Okay, I realize that sounds a little silly but how many of us come to God with our well laid out plans and say, “Here they are, make them happen God.”

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been guilty of that in the past. I still have to do a heart check daily to make sure I’m seeking and putting His will in my life first.

“If you want to hear God laugh just tell Him your plans.” Woody Allen

God has put dreams and passions in each of us. He’s not withholding good from us when things take longer to come together than we hope. Even when things don’t go the direction we feel would be best for our life, God’s best is truly best.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that.

Jeremiah 29:11 (VOICE)

All too often we spend so much time making our plans before we even talk to God. Instead of the frustration of making our “to do lists” as well as the pro’s and con’s of each endeavor, let’s simply ask God first.

He loves us more than we can fully understand! He wants us to be complete and have a full, abundant life.

Our view of a full and abundant life needs to be viewed through the lens of our mighty God who is able to accomplish more than we could ever ask!

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  Ephesians 3:19-20 (NLT)

Am I the only one who’s ever struggled with the idea that maybe God’s best isn’t really what’s best for me? Sorry if I burst any bubbles with that statement but I just want to be honest.

How about when God whispers to you as you’re about to eat something that looks and smells so yummy, “Not my best for you”? I’ve heard that and decided God didn’t know what He was talking about in that moment. Surely popcorn that smells that good and is loaded with butter and salt was the best for me right then. “Trust me God, I’m sure of it.”

God isn’t forceful. He just nudges at us to point us in the right direction. What we do with that nudge is our free choice.

My choice that night wasn’t the best for me. Oh how I paid for that choice all night. Miserable stomach ache. He wasn’t try to deprive me. He was trying to spare me the pain.

I’ve also been through a time in my life where I was pretty sure I didn’t deserve God’s best so there wasn’t any point in believing or asking.

I pray if you’re at that point in your life you’ll give God a chance to whisper to your spirit that His best is truly best. We deserve it because when we believe and accept Him we’re given the *rights of children*. (John 1:12)

As a mom, I know I want the very best for my kids. I also know that sometimes what they want and what’s best for them doesn’t line up.

Lord, help me to not throw a tantrum when I don’t get what I’m sure is best for me. I want to trust You completely, knowing that You want me to live a life of fullness IN You. Guide me to where You want me to be each day so I can serve fully in the work of Your Kingdom. In Jesus name, Amen.

Such a Time as This

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve been a part of the Five Minute Friday linkup. Unfortunately time has kind of slipped away from me a lot lately. This made this week's prompt so timely. Okay, I’ll admit I’m getting a bit cheesy with it now.

Start:

This past summer I went to the She Speaks Conference. I soaked in as much of the technical teaching’s as I possibly could. They warned me it would be a bit like trying to drink from a fire hose. They were right! I’m so grateful God has given me the ability to take fast notes.

What I wasn’t necessarily prepared for was how powerful the Holy Spirit would move in that place. Looking back, I can see how God was preparing me for that exact moment in time. I was in a class Wendy Blight was teaching and she prayed over each of us. Commissioning us to go out and share our stories.

This bring me to the story of Esther. Our sovereign God had ordered the steps of Esther’s life so she could be in a position to be part of God’s plan to deliver the Jews. God was fully capable of delivering the Jews without her but He gave her the opportunity to be a part of that deliverance.

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14 (NIV)

Such a time as this. That phrase has been running through my head a lot lately. God has called everyone of us to share the good news that Jesus saves. There is no better time for this than right now! We ALL have a story God has written with our lives.

Don’t miss the chance to be part of God’s great plan. 

Stop 

Okay, I think I may have chased a rabbit down a trail there. Sorry! I was wanting to honor the write and not edit part of FMF. So, there you go. It might help you understand why my kids are always asking me to chase that bunny back to my original point. 

On another little rabbit trail, I want to share with you about a great study that I'm doing. It's called Weigh Less to Feed More from www.revelationwellness.org. If you get a chance to check it out, I highly recommend it.

Running for a Reason

Do you ever feel like a little fish in a very big pond? Like the world and its problems are so big that there isn’t anyway one person can make a difference?

The sin in our world can feel so overwhelming. It can feel defeating at times but God wants to work through us to make a difference for HIS kingdom!

I’m training for my first half marathon (13.1 miles) this coming summer. The farthest distance I’ve raced up to this point is a 5k. Needless to say this is a big jump for me. Let me explain something first. I didn’t grow up running, well unless it was on the back of a horse. I used to comment that the only way you’d ever catch me running is if I was fleeing for my life.

For some reason though I decided to give it a try a couple of years ago. It didn’t come naturally to me. To be perfectly honest, it still doesn’t. I’m not fast and it still isn’t effortless. What it is for me though is time alone with God.

I run on cow trails. I live way out in the sticks so other than watching for the occasional snake there is quite a bit of quiet time. I love it!

I’ve been praying about a way for the Lord to use my half marathon training and race for His glory. I want my running to be about more than myself.

Every mile I’m praying for the victims of human trafficking. I’m praying for their freedom and restoration. When the miles get hard and the weather is less than ideal, I will run for those who haven’t been able to yet.

I will lift up those in prayer who work to rescue and restore these victims. Prayers will be said for awareness to be raised and the oppressors to be prosecuted.  

God has put it on my heart to put my money where my mouth is as well. For every training and race mile I run I will put a dollar in a jar. When my race is over in August I will be sending that money to The A21 Campaign to help them fight the injustice of modern day slavery.

God calls us to put our faith into action! Today, in this moment, this my action.

What good is it dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? James 2:14 (NLT)

I invite you to join me in putting feet to our faith. This can look different to each of us, but I encourage you to pray about how God wants you to move.

If you’d like to “join” me on my race I encourage you to send me your email address using the contact form on the right and I will send weekly mile updates from my training and race. You can determine how much money per mile you’d like to put in your jar (or envelope, etc.). After my race you’re welcome to join me in donating to A21 or another organization of your choice.

I would really appreciate your prayers for continued health and mental strength as I train. Thank you!

I love this song Run to Jesus by Francesca Battestelli!

Life Lessons in the Dressing Room

Ok, how many of you women out there love shopping?  

I went jeans shopping the other day and the devil tried to run absolutely rampant with my thoughts and emotions. You see, I’ve gained some weight back. Yikes, that’s not fun to put on paper for the whole world to see.

In the past I’d been down the road of “not caring” at all and ate with abandon and didn’t exercise at all. Then I headed down the road of “control”. I figured if I could control how much I ate and how much I exercised, I’d get the results I wanted. The problem was I did get the physical results, but my heart was a long ways from whole!

I’ve been trying to find balance in my life and knew I’d gone WAY too far with obsessing about food and exercise. Somehow I thought freedom from that was full abandon. I wasn’t finding myself obsessing about what I ate which is good. In what had been my “mottos operando” for quite some time, I figured if not obsessing a little was a good thing, not caring at all must be even better. Wow, I can’t believe I was right back where I started. So frustrating!

So, in that little dressing room, trying on jeans that have fit in the past but now didn’t, I had a revelation. First, God really does love me even when I struggle with loving myself. I don’t think he sees the cellulite, stretch marks and baggy skin. He does, however, see my heart. He saw the enemy coming after it right there in that tiny room with too many mirrors!

I felt Him call out to me and remind me that I’m a daughter of the King. There is no condemnation with Him. Only mercy, grace, and conviction.

You see, part of my revelation that day was that there’s a balance to this life. I would probably tell you that freely if we visited but I don’t think I really believed it.

I just knew the opposite of being in bondage to so much control had to be complete abandon. NO!

God spoke to my heart walking out of that dressing room. I’d found freedom from obsessing about food, exercise and my body image.

I GET to take care of my body/health. It is a gift from the Lord and I WANT to steward that gift well.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

What I’ve also realized is MY best is not the same as YOUR best. I’ve been stuck in the comparison trap for way to long too. Time to crawl up out of that pit.

God loves each of us right where we are. Whether or not we make the choice to take care of our health. You can’t earn His love in any way. You can’t starve yourself and he’ll love you more. You can’t exercise yourself into the ground and expect any more love from the Father.

You also can’t just turn completely away from obsession and swing to the other extreme of abandon and find more love. Peace is found in balance.

It’s just accepting that God loves you, for YOU. Not your jean size. Not a number on the scale. Not a false sense of freedom. Just YOU!

This is real love – not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.                      

1 John 4:10 (NLT)

See You Later Mountain!

Okay, I have not only circled this mountain of weight loss and maintenance countless times, I’m sure I could have counted it as several marathons by now.

I was one of those when I was younger that I could (and did) eat anything and everything and “get away” with it. It shocks me now when I think back on my eating habits. Or lack thereof. I played sports all through school but basically lived on Pepsi and limited amounts of real food. 

Along came marriage and kids and with it the increase in my weight. I felt hopeless and lost. I didn't recognize who I was anymore. Physically, emotionally or spiritually.

I figured I just needed more self-control, right? NOPE!

I've set up camp on the mountain of control unfortunately. The all or nothing mentality was always tucked right in my backpack for the journey around the mountain as well.

If I couldn't do “it” just right then I’d just run faster around the mountain. I knew I must just not be trying hard enough so I would punish myself with either more exercise or less food. Most times, both.

To the outside world it probably looked like I had it together as I was able to lose the pounds and was quite active again. Along with many other women though, I was good at making the trip around that same mountain look just how I wanted it to the outside world.

What I hid from others, as well as myself honestly, was the attempt to control everything was sucking the life right out of me. I placed every ounce of my value on how well I could “perform”.  And I do mean perform! If I could just do a better job of controlling my food intake and my exercise output I’m sure it would fill the spaces that were empty in me.

I remember the day I was driving a tractor in the hay field and I felt the Lord nudging me towards the truth. I was trying to do everything my way. God wanted to be God of everything in my life. That meant I couldn't give him my heart but withhold my body.

My body is and always has been HIS! I wanted God to be the Lord of my life.  BUT, only the parts I wanted to surrender. There were a few things I was sure I just needed to hang onto. I mean, God has a ton of stuff on his plate already, right? He couldn't possibly care about my weight issues.

WRONG!

He does care. Every hair on my head. Every breath I take. Every choice I make, even in regards to my health.  He cares!

I wish that with this revelation I could tell you I make healthy choices every minute of every day. I don’t. I still forget to plan sometimes and end up grabbing anything I can get my hands on because I let myself get to hungry. I freely admit I still prefer chocolate over celery any day of the week.

I have found freedom though. No more extremes either way for me. I may look at the mountain from time to time but I refuse to get back in the rut that circles it. I’m making a daily choice to turn north.

Lord, help me trust you with this north bound path. Give me the strength I need to make healthy choices. I want to be fit for the call you have for me. Thank you for new revelation in our lives. I pray you will move in each person’s life that is reading this.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Participate in Your Miracle

God says, “By my stripes you ARE healed,” so I take him at His word.  This is a done deal, right?  Pray for it, step back, and let God do His work.  I know I can’t do it, so it’s always best to just step back and let God handle it.

So, I was praying for healing from a non-stop head ache that had basically been crippling me for three days.  I claimed healing and was going to stand firm and know healing was accomplished.  I was thanking God for the healing when I heard in my spirit the following, participate in your miracle! 

Wait, what?  I thought I was participating by praying and standing in faith.  Don’t get me wrong, that is participation, and God calls us to “Ask for anything in MY name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” John 14:13.

I was going to the throne boldly when the Lord put on my heart that there was something I could do to participate in my own healing.  I prayed and asked if it was lack of sleep, a spiritual attack, maybe getting sick, anything I could think of at the moment.  Then He spoke clearly to me that it was what I was eating.  Who would have thought? 

Well, I should have since I like to study nutrition. I had just gotten so wrapped up in my own stress from the past month that I didn’t slow down long enough to realize how bad my eating habits had become.  That in turn had wreaked havoc on my health.

So, I will continue to stand on faith that I’m healed.  I will also pray for strength to make smarter food choices, so that my health isn’t negatively affected. 

I’m SO grateful that Jehovah Rapha is the God who heals and also lets me join in on this healing!