Empty Nest Part 1

That time God asked me to …

                                               Put down the idol of motherhood.

Maybe I missed all the discussions about empty nest before I headed into this new territory. Or could it be we simply don’t discuss it very much?

Since venturing into these new waters I’ve asked for advice but most people either just tell me to be happy about it or keep busy so I don’t have to deal with it.

Can I be real honest for a minute? I did NOT handle it real well in the beginning. My life had been filled with so many of my kids’ sports and events I felt completely isolated when it all came to end.

Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing husband who was always there for me but for several months I walked around in a bit of a fog. Not real sure of what my identity was anymore. Can you relate?

Yes, I’ll always be a mom but my job in that role had taken such a drastic turn I wasn’t sure what to do next.

So, how did I handle this new season of life?

I dove deep into writing and I do believe it helped me process a lot. But…writing can be very lonely. There is an amazing network of support out there in the cyber world but it’s different than face to face.

It’s a BIG switch from having kids who need you.

Trusting that God loves my sons even more than I do was a bit of lip service from me for years. I WANTED to believe it. I sure told myself I believed it. I’m sure I shared with others I believed it. It was just hard to completely believe it.

Seriously God, can’t you see how much I love my kids down here?

How could anyone, including God, love them as much as I do? They’re my life.

Oh crud, there it was!! God revealed to me some hard truth that wasn’t fun to hear but needed light brought to it. I had placed my role as a mother above my identity as a child of God. My kids were truly my life. Everything, including God, took a back seat to them. Ouch!

I don’t really remember when it happened but somehow it just slipped in quietly when I wasn’t looking. The martyrdom of motherhood.

I wasn’t one of those women who dreamed of being a mom growing up. There were no real plans to go down that road honestly. I had big plans for my life and men and children simply weren’t in those plans.

Want to hear God laugh…tell Him your plans!

Not only did I end up marrying and having kids, I did it fairly young. Shortly after getting married I was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids. So, when my role in life did shift I dove in headfirst.

My whole world was my little family. As they grew older and the time grew closer for them to leave the nest I held on even tighter. Fear settled in big time! Am I alone in this?

Often we don’t recognize fear and anxiety when we’re in the middle of it. We can feel twinges of panic and try to dismiss them as just part of life. How often do we try to rationalize our fears and worries away? Or just go through life with emotional blinders on in a futile attempt at not dealing with yet again another scary change.

Now that we have discussed the feelings as empty nest approaches, join me in the next post as we explore the different ways to make this transition easier.

I'm sharing this post with several other blogger's at these Faith Linkups. I encourage you to check them out. If this post resonates with you and feel it would help others please feel free to share. Easy to share buttons below. ~Laura~

But if You say so...

Have you ever known God is telling you to move but not sure what that means? Or even if you know where He’s calling you but it just doesn’t make any sense? I’ve been there a time or two as well.

We’d had a special speaker at church and I’d been hearing God whispering to me during the whole service, “Come”. It didn't make sense. Come where? Do what?

“Lord, I NEED some details. Okay, maybe need isn’t the right word but I would LIKE some details.”

No details were given. Simply a chance to follow Him.

As we neared the end of the service I knew God was inviting me to be obedient and get baptized.

Why would God ask me to do something that made no sense and honestly felt really strange?

You see, I’d been baptized when I was young. I wrestled with God about it in my heart for quite some time. I even left the service right after and sat in my car for a bit.

As I sat there I tried to explain to God how this didn’t make sense. Why would I need to do this again? I was 41 years old, the pastor’s daughter and led the youth ministry. What would my “kids” all think of me?

I’m not proud to say those thoughts went through my head but am so grateful God never stops loving me. Despite my weaknesses.

No big bolt of revelation came. No profound understanding. Only a choice to come with Him or not. As He had shown me time and time again, the choice was mine. Would I say yes?

A little side note here, we’re what you’d call a “cowboy church”. Our baptism’s most often happen in a livestock watering tank. We’re not talking heated and comfortable by any means.

I bet you’re praying this is where I walked back in with my head held high and said, “Whatever it may be, bring it on!”

Nope. It was more of a quiet, “But if you say so God”. Not a resentful, apprehensive yes but a calm, expectant yes. A yes full of trust.

I let my need to see before I believed slip away as 

I followed God into the unknown.

He’s faithful and I’ve met Him in the unknown many times before. Each time I’ve answered, “But if You say so” He’s been right there to meet me.

Faith works when we use it.

When Jesus asked Simon Peter to drop his nets again it didn’t make sense either. Peter’s day of fishing had already proven unsuccessful. He could have tried to reason with Jesus why it wasn’t the best idea. But I love his answer!

“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” Luke 5:5

Now I know we can read on after and see what a glorious night of fishing it ended up being. But...Simon Peter had NO idea what the outcome would be when he said YES.

I love how we’re given such a great example to step out in faith even if we don’t understand. I find it so reassuring how Peter doesn’t come back with some lofty type of answer. He’s honest and real.

As I broke the plane of the cold baptism water I still didn’t understand. I simply made the choice to follow. Coming up out of the iciness I felt a huge wave of blessing wash over me.

Lord, if you say so...

I'm sharing this post with several other blogger's at these Faith Linkups. I encourage you to check them out. If this post resonates with you and feel it would help others please feel free to share. Easy to share buttons below. ~Laura~

How I Learned to Love my Scars

"Argh, these darn stretch marks itch so bad I'm going to scratch right through my belly!" I hollered across the bed to my husband. He tried to reassure me, "I really don't think that's a possibility."

So I came up with a grand plan...

Walking Through the Fire: Immanuel - God with Us

When you pass through the waters,

   I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

   they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

   you will not be burned;

   the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,

   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

   Cush and Seba in your stead.

Isaiah 43:2-3 (NIV)

Have you ever been so overtaken by the Holy Spirit you felt completely swept away? Smack in the middle of a crowd of women, a long ways from my safe, little home, the Holy Spirit grabbed hold of me in a powerful way.

While at She Speaks 2015, I sat listening intently as Wendy Blight shared her message of the paralyzing fear that gripped her for years after being sexually assaulted. My mind swirled with memories of my own encounter that I had stuffed down for so long. Everything in me wanted to get up and run.

Run from the past.

Run from the shame.

Run from the pain.

Why would God put me here for this specific message? He knows the dark spaces within my heart. I know He loves me so why in the world would He bring me to such a hard place. I had the secret scars neatly tucked into the deep recesses of my heart. I just wanted to leave them there.

The Holy Spirit wasn’t willing to let me stay in that stagnant pool of shame anymore. He walked me through those hard places. There wasn’t anything pleasant about it in the moment. I physically shook as He dug deep to redeem what had been taken from me.

Yet the Lord reminds us in Isaiah, “When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.”  The flames sure felt hot in that place but God walked through it with me and I wasn’t burned. The chains were being loosened and I was set free from the captivity of trying to hide my shame.

Free from the past.

Free from the shame.

Free from the pain.

Being present in the hard places leads to redemption.

All the stuffing down, covering up and pretending it never happened can ever come close to the freedom found in Christ’s redeeming power.

Only through Him can we put down our heavy burdens.

God wants to remove the chains we desperately try to loosen on our own. Some try to get rid of them in their own strength while others try to pretend they aren’t really there anymore. Some of us try both in a futile attempt at freedom.

Chains can ONLY be removed by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Honestly, looking back I see how God had been orchestrating my life for just a moment as this. I am redeemed and I want to share the good news that God can set you free too!

Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story – those He redeemed from the hand of the foe. Psalm 107:2 (NIV)

Do you have some hard places in your heart you try to hide from the world, as well as from yourself? Call out to the One who redeems. His unfailing love will help you rise up and walk through those hard places to the redemption waiting for YOU.

If you want to know God, I invite you to check out Wendy Blight's new bible study I Know His Name.

I Know His Name is a Bible study for any woman who wants to move beyond simply knowing about God to really knowing God in a very personal way.

In this five-chapter Bible study book, Wendy implements her practical and approachable style to equip readers to study the Word of God and then apply it to their own lives in practical ways.

I’m so blessed to be a part of the launch team for I Know His Name! For More information please visit Wendy’s page:

Wendy Blight - I Know His Name

I Know His Name Video Trailer  

Brave the Anxiety for the Adventure

“I am brave, I am brave, I am brave!” I just kept repeating it to myself so the anxious thoughts might not move back in and set up camp.

When I was younger I lived life fearlessly, probably to a fault if I’m honest. I was ten foot tall and bulletproof, or so I thought. If there was an adventure of any kind out there, I was first in line to jump in. I have the scars and broken bones to show for it too unfortunately.

Over the years, my adventurous spirit was starting to be drowned out by pops and creaks of the pains of a wild youth. I knew how hard a person could fall as I’d taken that trip down way too many times in the past.

God had placed this new adventure right in my lap and I knew He wanted me to move forward. The truth is though, it was WAY outside of my current comfort zone.

It wasn’t scary to write and follow the Lord’s call from the safety of my little home way out in the middle of the sticks. I mean come on, I’m the Hicks from the Sticks! Doesn’t that mean I should STAY in the sticks. That’s where I’m comfortable. This is my sweet spot. “Lord, I am happy to sit right here in my comfy office chair and type the words You want me to share with the world. Just don’t ask me to go out into it!”

Don’t take this wrong, I genuinely love people and have no issues driving the 30 miles it takes me to get to our little town of 1200 people. I love one on one conversations, small study groups or even our “big” events in town.

On the other hand, large crowds truly overwhelm me. So, when God said to jump on a plane, by myself nonetheless, and fly across the country to a conference with 800 or so people, I was slightly freaked out.

I prayed repeatedly to see if God was sure this is what He wanted me to do. I knew the truth, there was really no fighting it. So, I committed. That should have been the end of any anxious thoughts, right? Nope! I came so close to wimping out over and over again.

I crammed it to the back of my mind when there were still a lot of calendar days before my flight would leave. So typical of me. Just don’t deal with it until I absolutely have to.

As the days grew warmer and the time got closer, I felt a sense of fear starting to sneak in little by little. I tried to think of it as a great adventure but my anxious thoughts just kept fogging up my mind.

Then God whispered some reassuring words in my ear. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV)

I was still trying to follow God’s plan for my life under my own power. Ugh, SO frustrating. I felt a good spiritual kick to the pants. I cried out to God, humbled myself and asked for His forgiveness. I wish I could tell you that meant it was easy sailing from there on out. There were still moments of doubt. I’m human!

But...I would literally picture myself casting my anxious thoughts at the foot of the cross any time they popped into my head. It really did get easier each time. Not easy but easier.

I’m learning to do the work God asks ME to do and then just show up and trust Him to take care of the rest. He is faithful.

God is so awesome and what an adventure it is when we follow Him!

My Heart Song - Laura's Story

I'm sharing my testimony at Michelle Moore's website:

My Heart's Song. 

God loves me - this I know. At least that's what I repeatedly tried to tell myself through the years. If I could just talk myself into truly believing that God could love me simply for ME, then maybe I could quit trying so hard. I based everything in my life on how well I could perform.

Shortly after I was born my mom was hospitalized for an extended period of time. Through no real fault of her own we never really formed a heart connection. My older sister basically raised me as my mom had the son she'd been praying for after 4 girls just ten months after having me.

I was a wild, carefree child who went anywhere my veterinarian dad would take me. I was never one to stay inside and if the boys could do something I was going to show them that I could do it even better! I competed for everything from the moment I can remember.

I was taught about God from an early age. To be honest though I just wanted to be saved from hell. This whole relationship thing was for the birds. Just give me some "fire" insurance and we'll call it good.

My parents divorced by the time I was six and the judge awarded full custody of us kids to my mom. This daddy's girl fell to pieces! I was moved to a city near my grandma and a world utterly foreign to me.

I longed to be back with my dad and run free again. God created me exactly for that! As an adult now I can look back and understand. At six I felt completely abandoned by the one I thought I could trust.

In high school I was rebelling against everyone and everything that tried to put rules on me. I ended up moving in with my sister and her husband. It wasn’t long before the abuse started.

Sitting in a hot pickup talking for a few extra minutes to a friend, I let my brother-in-law's candy bar melt. As I walked back into the house to apologize for bringing him a half melted piece of chocolate I was more than a little startled by this 300 lb. man punching me in the face.

Looking back, I’m still amazed at how quickly he convinced me I deserved it and got sucked into several years of physical abuse. I tried to run away. I took off on my horse and went through the back pastures but after two days he found me and I got the beating of my life as well as locked in a basement bathroom for several days. The physical scars from that healed much quicker than the emotional ones.

There was a lot of alcohol abuse in that situation and it didn’t take long for me to join in. God was gently nudging at my heart even then but I was convinced that the only one who could or would look out for me was ME. I knew He was supposed to love me but to be honest it didn’t really feel like it right then.

The final blow was during another one of my drinking binges. I was partying with a lot of people I didn’t even really know and was so drunk I could barely walk. A guy I didn’t know offered to give me a ride back to my car and I accepted. I was sexually assaulted. I tried so hard to fight back and had always been the “tough” girl that would kick anyone’s butt for looking at me the wrong way. There I was not able to defend myself at all.

The shame I felt was almost unbearable. I never reported it and that caused further shame later on. I had friends tell me I deserved it since I got in the vehicle with him. I felt God had truly abandoned me this time.

I decided the best thing to do was just put it away as deep down in me as possible and try to forget. I was convinced I had put all of the past behind me when I got married and had a family.

Wounds have a way of not healing well if we never bring them into the light though. God tried so many times over the years to reach into those dark places but I just kept it all walled off. I thought I would be a better Christian if He didn’t see those dirty pieces of me.

God kept working on me throughout the years and even though I truly had a relationship with Him, I just didn’t want to deal with the past. The Holy Spirit is powerful though! When the final breakthrough came it felt like a whirlwind of healing. Something that just happened overnight. But, it wasn’t overnight. God had been working on my heart for many years. His timing is flawless!

I’m so grateful that God is patient and faithful. Even as I blamed Him for everything and turned my back on Him repeatedly His love never quit. Now I can truly say, “God loves me – this I KNOW!”

  

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 136:1 (NLT)

Linking up with 3-D Lessons for Life and Live Free Thursday as well as others located on the right sidebar.

Are We Afraid of the Power?

"I'm sorry Mrs. Hicks but it appears that you have too much scar tissue and the chances of you ever conceiving are slim to none." The doctor’s words washed over me like a dark cloud and dragged me down into the depths of despair.

We had been married for a while and weren't having any success on the 'baby making front'. This wasn't from any lack of effort on our part however. I just knew the doctor would be able to settle this for me. Oh, such utter disappointment.

In complete frustration I reached out to God. I knew there was power in Him. I'd heard it about it many times. To be honest though, I was downright fearful of it. What if He rejected me? What if I wasn't good enough? What if the power was too much for me to handle? I ever so tentatively reached out but I was just too scared to grab hold of the hem of Jesus.

Yet, God was ever faithful. He put me in the path of two Godly women who laid hands on me and prayed for healing in my womb. They stood in the gap for me and helped me stand strong. The power of the Holy Spirit washed over me. I plugged into that power while praying daily for a child.

In Mark chapter 5:24-34 we find a woman with a bleeding problem who had suffered for years and been to countless doctors. She not only didn't get well, she got worse. She heard about Jesus and knew there was power to be found in Him. When she saw Him, she reached out and touched the hem of His garment believing He could heal her. Jesus immediately felt power go out of Him and the woman was healed.

Now what if she had been too afraid? What if she had reached out but at the last minute pulled back because of fear of the unknown? She had been to numerous doctors and nothing had worked so far, so why would this?

Could she really trust that this time would be different? What if she hadn't reached out and had the faith to believe? She'd still be where she was, stuck in the same old pattern.

Numerous other people brushed into Jesus during that same encounter. Jesus never commented about power going out of Him when they touched Him. The woman put her faith into action. She moved towards Jesus and that's where healing was found.

Many of us reach for Jesus' power but out of fear we pull back at the last minute. Do we really want His power and the resulting change that might come from it?

The power doesn't come from just knowing about Jesus. We have to make the effort to reach out and grab hold of it. The Holy Spirit is active, alive and powerful! He is waiting for us to reach out, grab hold and hang on.

Move beyond the fear! This power comes by making a choice, not just by chance.

We need to make the choice to reach out willingly and grab the hem of Jesus. Latch onto that power and let the Holy Spirit work in and through you.

My oldest son is now 20 years old and is a constant reminder of the power available to us. Make the choice, reach out and grab hold of the power from the Holy Spirit!