Empty Nest Part 1

That time God asked me to …

                                               Put down the idol of motherhood.

Maybe I missed all the discussions about empty nest before I headed into this new territory. Or could it be we simply don’t discuss it very much?

Since venturing into these new waters I’ve asked for advice but most people either just tell me to be happy about it or keep busy so I don’t have to deal with it.

Can I be real honest for a minute? I did NOT handle it real well in the beginning. My life had been filled with so many of my kids’ sports and events I felt completely isolated when it all came to end.

Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing husband who was always there for me but for several months I walked around in a bit of a fog. Not real sure of what my identity was anymore. Can you relate?

Yes, I’ll always be a mom but my job in that role had taken such a drastic turn I wasn’t sure what to do next.

So, how did I handle this new season of life?

I dove deep into writing and I do believe it helped me process a lot. But…writing can be very lonely. There is an amazing network of support out there in the cyber world but it’s different than face to face.

It’s a BIG switch from having kids who need you.

Trusting that God loves my sons even more than I do was a bit of lip service from me for years. I WANTED to believe it. I sure told myself I believed it. I’m sure I shared with others I believed it. It was just hard to completely believe it.

Seriously God, can’t you see how much I love my kids down here?

How could anyone, including God, love them as much as I do? They’re my life.

Oh crud, there it was!! God revealed to me some hard truth that wasn’t fun to hear but needed light brought to it. I had placed my role as a mother above my identity as a child of God. My kids were truly my life. Everything, including God, took a back seat to them. Ouch!

I don’t really remember when it happened but somehow it just slipped in quietly when I wasn’t looking. The martyrdom of motherhood.

I wasn’t one of those women who dreamed of being a mom growing up. There were no real plans to go down that road honestly. I had big plans for my life and men and children simply weren’t in those plans.

Want to hear God laugh…tell Him your plans!

Not only did I end up marrying and having kids, I did it fairly young. Shortly after getting married I was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids. So, when my role in life did shift I dove in headfirst.

My whole world was my little family. As they grew older and the time grew closer for them to leave the nest I held on even tighter. Fear settled in big time! Am I alone in this?

Often we don’t recognize fear and anxiety when we’re in the middle of it. We can feel twinges of panic and try to dismiss them as just part of life. How often do we try to rationalize our fears and worries away? Or just go through life with emotional blinders on in a futile attempt at not dealing with yet again another scary change.

Now that we have discussed the feelings as empty nest approaches, join me in the next post as we explore the different ways to make this transition easier.

I'm sharing this post with several other blogger's at these Faith Linkups. I encourage you to check them out. If this post resonates with you and feel it would help others please feel free to share. Easy to share buttons below. ~Laura~

Step out of the Comfort Zone!

Sheep need sheep.

They’re designed as a herd animal. Isolation literally causes them to panic and eventually shut down.

Maybe I've been spending a little too much time with sheep, but there is a ton of information we can learn about ourselves and our walk with the Lord by observing sheep.

Sheep are a prey animal and as such are wired to be quite fearful. It's self-preservation.

It can also make it downright challenging to get them to come out of their comfort zone.

Is it any wonder in scripture we are so often referred to as sheep?

Is it Time to be Still or Move?

The word of God is active and alive. I love how I can read a scripture or passage that I’ve read hundreds of times in the past and God can bring a fresh revelation to me.

God’s redeeming power is on full display in the story of the Israelites being delivered from the Egyptians. God told Moses to inform the people that He was going to rescue and redeem them. In other words, get ready people, God is on the move!

Therefore, say to the people of Israel: ‘I am the Lord. I will free you from your oppression and will rescue you from your slavery in Egypt. I will redeem you with a powerful arm and great acts of judgment. I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt. I will bring you into the land I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will give it to you as your very own possession. I am the Lord!’” Exodus 6:6-8 (NLT)

Unfortunately, they weren’t overly receptive to what Moses had to say. Their own daily grind and hardships had them utterly discouraged. Yet God was well aware of His covenant He had made with Abraham and remained faithful. His people were freed by God’s grace!

Shortly thereafter however they found themselves walled in again as they camped at the Red Sea. Pharaoh was in hot pursuit and all that freedom was starting to feel pretty scary! Fresh off huge miracles from God and they still forgot WHO was in control.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been right in that same camp. God has set me free from my past and yet I’ve been all too quick to panic when that freedom was being threatened by the enemy hunting me down.

But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! Exodus 14:13-15 (NLT)

Yes, God calls us to be still and calm in the midst of chaos. We need to seek Him and trust Him to rescue us. BUT… He also tells us when it’s time move!

When we cry out to God for direction and His still small voice gives us just that; we need to put some distance between us and what God has called us out of! Stay calm but move.

When we’ve been redeemed and set free from whatever has been enslaving us we need to move forward. Many times this means we must distance ourselves from the sinful activities that held us so deeply. Those “egyptians” in our own life never to be seen again.

There may come a time when that includes walking away from relationships that are toxic. We can forgive and move forward but many times that can mean putting some safe distance between us and the relationship. This can be people, activities, idols or even seemingly “good things” that have us running back to slavery.

The Israelites didn’t set up permanent residence right next to the Egyptians. They moved on to the land God promised them. There were many bumps along the road still but they moved forward.

Is God calling you to set up some safety margins in your own life? Ask Him. He knows when it’s best for you to be still and when it’s time to move.

Are You Drinking the Poison of Unforgiveness?

Do you have relationships in your life that are fractured? There might be tension, hard feelings or maybe even complete separation at this point.

Relationships can be tough. We’re human and we tend to bump into one another along our journey together.

Past hurts rear their ugly heads and the enemy tries to keep us stirred up over them as he doesn’t want there to be unity and peace amongst us. If he can keep us from forgiving others, he can get a foothold into our lives.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. " Mark 11:25 (NIV)

Holding unforgiveness in our hearts is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The one we’re doing the most damage to with our unforgiveness is ourselves.

Hurting people often hurt other people. The baggage we carry from our own past hurts can cause us to struggle in our relationships. God’s love sets us free to love others and forgive. We can’t love with the deep kind of love God calls us to on our own, only with His help.

I’ve had some relationships that I’ve really struggled with in the past. Mistakes on both sides of the fence that festered and grew into more tension then I wanted to deal with honestly. I’ve been guilty of walking away from hard relationships in the past.

When I looked at them honestly however and sought God’s counsel I learned a lot from pressing into the hard places.

We’re all designed for fight or flight and it always seemed odd to me that I had so much of both. I would fight tooth and nail for something I thought I could “win” but if there was any doubt about it I was all flight. That makes unity in a relationship pretty difficult!

God wants us to stand firm against the devil and not allow him free reign in our relationships though. God calls us to always be humble and gentle, patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)

As we set about trying to repair relationships that are broken and may even feel lost, we need to seek God first. Run to Him in prayer and ask for His forgiveness for any part we may have had in the wrongs done. Then ask for His help in forgiving anyone who has wronged us.

Relationships can be redeemed by the power of the Holy Spirit. Turn loose of old resentments and ask God to renew your mind and instill a fresh love into your relationships.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

I’m praying for restoration for you friends!