Monday, September 21, 2015

Are You Drinking the Poison of Unforgiveness?

Do you have relationships in your life that are fractured? There might be tension, hard feelings or maybe even complete separation at this point.

Relationships can be tough. We’re human and we tend to bump into one another along our journey together.

Past hurts rear their ugly heads and the enemy tries to keep us stirred up over them as he doesn’t want there to be unity and peace amongst us. If he can keep us from forgiving others, he can get a foothold into our lives.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. " Mark 11:25 (NIV)
Holding unforgiveness in our hearts is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The one we’re doing the most damage to with our unforgiveness is ourselves.
Hurting people often hurt other people. The baggage we carry from our own past hurts can cause us to struggle in our relationships. God’s love sets us free to love others and forgive. We can’t love with the deep kind of love God calls us to on our own, only with His help.

I’ve had some relationships that I’ve really struggled with in the past. Mistakes on both sides of the fence that festered and grew into more tension then I wanted to deal with honestly. I’ve been guilty of walking away from hard relationships in the past.

When I looked at them honestly however and sought God’s counsel I learned a lot from pressing into the hard places.

We’re all designed for fight or flight and it always seemed odd to me that I had so much of both. I would fight tooth and nail for something I thought I could “win” but if there was any doubt about it I was all flight. That makes unity in a relationship pretty difficult!

God wants us to stand firm against the devil and not allow him free reign in our relationships though. God calls us to always be humble and gentle, patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)

As we set about trying to repair relationships that are broken and may even feel lost, we need to seek God first. Run to Him in prayer and ask for His forgiveness for any part we may have had in the wrongs done. Then ask for His help in forgiving anyone who has wronged us.

Relationships can be redeemed by the power of the Holy Spirit. Turn loose of old resentments and ask God to renew your mind and instill a fresh love into your relationships.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

I’m praying for restoration for you friends!


  1. I think forgiveness is truly one of the hardest things to give. I wonder why that is? We all want to be forgiven when we've done wrong, but yet we are not quick to give our own forgiveness. When you've been hurt by someone you trust and love, forgiveness is hard to give. But yet it's so important. Dwelling on it sure does separate close friends (and relationships) -- You know when it's especially hard to forgive? It's when someone who has wronged you has no remorse whatsoever. Now, THAT is a hard forgiveness to give. Sometime when you forgive someone like that, you do it more for yourself than the person who has wronged you.

    1. Forgiveness can be hard to give for sure Katrina. I'm so grateful God walks through it with us. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. So true. We poison ourselves and keep right on drinking unforgiveness. Thank you for this call to obedience -- not because we have warm squishy feelings for the person who wronged us, but because we want to do what God says. Blessings!

    1. Amen Michele! I want to honor God with forgiving as well.

  3. You have written some good truths here. Unforgiveness really is poison.

    However, I do think it is important to draw a clear distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is essential. However, forgiveness does not make the other person trustworthy. Healthy boundaries are also essential.

    For more on this topic, you might enjoy this post about the example set by David:

    Thanks and God Bless!

    1. Thank you for sharing your post about David and Saul. It was really good!

      You're so right that when we forgive it doesn't always mean we can be in a relationship with that person again. I should have been clearer in my writing. Coming from an abusive past where I have forgiven the abuser and no longer have any relationship there I have lived out what you describe and should have explained better.

      I'm praying about whether I should do a follow up post to this one right away. Could I link to your post in it if God leads me in that direction? Thank you for taking the time to share your insight.

  4. Thank you for the truths you share today. Unforgiveness festers and leaves us hurting even more. I love how you advise running to God because in Him we will always find forgiveness and grace. Glad to be visiting you from #TellHisStory

    1. I have been in that situation many times Mary. Letting hurts fester caused me as much if not more pain that the other. So glad we can always find forgiveness and grace in God. Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Hello Laura, this spoke to me "Holding unforgiveness in our hearts is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".
    I am glad to read these words today.
    Thank you for sharing and God Bless