A Little Piece of My Heart

Sometimes I have grand ideas of what I should share in print. Other times I just stare at the blank screen and am completely baffled. Most of the time, I start typing and God fills in the important parts.

Writing is a process of learning for me. I type and God reaches in and shines a light on the areas of my life that need illuminating.

This last weekend was chalk full of lessons for me! I’m sure it will take me awhile to absorb them all.

I was at my son’s state wrestling tournament. He is a senior in high school. He’s going to play football in college but wrestling is now officially over. This was the last time I would ever get to see him wrestle after 13 years in the sport. Gosh, it’s even hard to type that!

I have hauled that boy to countless practices. I have sat in the practice room waiting patiently for several hours, many times a week for what felt like endless years at the time. Now it simply feels like I blinked and the years flew by. I went to so many tournaments over the years that my butt is completely flat from so many hours in bleachers.

I complained about 10 hour days at these tournaments just to watch my own kid wrestle 4-5 times in that time frame. My back ached, my nerves were raw and the emotional roller coaster aged me I’m quite sure.

Wow, I’m going to miss it more than I can explain!

I watched my little boy grow into a man and learn important life lessons along the way. Stuff that one match, on one certain day, can’t possibly measure. The character displayed by these young men in both victory and defeat has made a lasting impression on me. Far more than stats or any win or loss.

There is a lot of debate over high school sports. I realize it can and is abused at times. Just as with anything in life though, it’s what you make of it that matters.

These kids go out on the mat and give every ounce of heart and energy they have in them. They come out battered and bruised whether they win or lose. There are good calls and a few bad calls. But overall, the kids come out of it with strength of character and lifetime friendships. Guys that battled it out to the point of blood, pain and exhaustion turn around and hug their opponent.

So many lessons here to hold onto. We can handle loss with as much dignity as we can victory. Life is meant to be lived with gusto, giving it everything we have. There may be fear, but courage is just walking forward to where God calls us and jumping in anyway

One of these fears of mine that reared its ugly head this past weekend was about heading into the “empty nest”. The devil has just had free rein in my mind in that area lately. I let fear take over and grow every day. It’s become a monster recently! Causing me to shut down and withdraw for fear of the unknown that’s coming. Somehow I had wrapped my whole identity up in my role as a mother!

I wish I could say I have it all worked out by the time I’m writing this but it’s just not true. I’m still struggling with it. I’m fighting back though by staying in God’s word. I’m searching out verses that remind me of my real identity, a child of the one true King. Any other “identity” is fleeting and will change or pass away.

         See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!              1 John 3:1a (NLT)

This doesn’t make me any less of a mom. I will always be a mom to my two sons. It’s just my role in motherhood has changed.

     "When mother's talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all the towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being vice president of the United States." Erma Bombeck

My “kids” have good heads on their shoulders. They love God and I trust Him with them. I’m learning bit by bit to drop the reins and trust that they will be ok out in the world. God has them!

As for me, despite my fears, I will choose to trust God with whatever the next chapter in life brings.